Thursday, April 1, 2010

Food Torture Journal (aka Master Cleanse)

Okay. Here it is.
I decided to partake in the Master Cleanse.
The quick skinny:
1: Slowly ease into a liquid diet (three days).
For 10 Days:
2: Start each morning with a liter of warm water mixed with 1Tbs. sea salt. It is like flushing the toilet, only your gut is the bowl.
3: Drink only a concoction of water, lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper all day. Yum.
4: Drink a laxative tea at night and watch the magic happen.

As I am 1/3 of the way through, and DYING, I thought I would publish my journal early, so that the added accountability of having people read it keeps me on the path.

Read with a bowl of ice cream in your hand, or a BIG PFAT BURRITO if you dare. My tummy says Grrrr.

April 1
(The only day to start something as ridiculous as this.)
Day One/Ease In: Living food today. Munching. Avocados, apples, snap peas, bananas. Is it supposed to be this easy? This is yummy.

April 2
Day Two/Ease In: Liquid soup today. Slurping. Butternut squash. Spicy Thai. Vegetable broth. Cashew curry ginger. Dreaming of popcorn and toast. Perhaps it isn't going to be this easy. Still yummy.

April 3
Day Three/Ease In: Orange and tangerine juice today. Drinking. Tea. Drinking. Researching. Learning. Raw/living factoids and recipes dancing in my head. I have concocted the most delicious raw burrito. It is so yummy, with fresh salsa and guacamole. But alas, back to fresh tangerine juice.

Headaches today. Big day tomorrow. Not excited about the SWF.

Ready, Set, Go.

April 4
Day 1: Okay. Whoever said that giving yourself the runs is a good way to clean out your system is loony. But alas, even with the lovely side effects, I have endured day one of the (to be said as if you were announcing a WWF wrestler) Master Cleanse. Actually, the lemon/syrup/cayenne drink is pretty yummy. The SWF is not. Drinking it in front of a mirror made it easier, for whatever reason. Tomorrow I will have my lemonade ready as a chaser.

Hungry today, but not too fixated. Except when I heat up a slice of quiche for Littleman and I have to compost the sun dried tomato on top because he wont eat it, and I feel like a refuge that would kill for that little scrap of concentrated tart and sweet tomato. Nope, not too fixated.

April 5
Day 2: Oh my gosh I Am Dying. I am So Hungry and my belly is Rumbling and I have the runs and I am dreaming about avocados and wakame salad and jalapeno poppers and that darn burrito from ease-in day 3!!

Yes, I am ready to quit. No, I will not quit. Ready, yes. Quitting? No.

The Smooth Move tea is making my belly cramp. I am not taking it tonight.
The SWF was a little easier today. Still tastes like the ocean.

Spent about an hour researching raw food recipes today. Thought it would curb the appetite, which it did a little. A Little Something Psychological, kind of like smelling the dinner I cooked for Littleman, except I did put a soybean into my mouth and chew it up, then spat it out. WaaaAAAAAaaaaHHH! I am Hungry!

I have mad all kinds of plans, like stopping this when my VitaMixer 5200 arrives (aah aah ahh) or just eating avocados tomorrow (yuuuuummy). I am obviously not fixated on 10 days like I was 5 days ago. If I count the ease-in I am 1/3 of the way through this! No, no. I will endure. Bring it, Day Three!

So, as you can see, this is fun. And fun is good.

Burrito, anyone?


  1. You are crazy sista. You have some wicked self control! I envy your dedication. I won't be a brat and tell you what I had for dinner. Actually, it was a concoction of water, lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper. mmmmmm, the best. You should try it! Now for my sisterly, good duty advice... Way to go Sarah! You are the woman! You can do it!

  2. I need to be there with you to do this craziness, as I have NO self control! I need someone to duck tape my mouth shut and cut a slit to only let me sip liquids for about 3000 years. Maybe then I will be able to have some self control. The ocean stuff is not for me. I think I would throw it up. The cayenne stuff I have heard of. The burrito, yes, I think I will eat that, instead!
    Love you! Keep it up! I need the motivation!

  3. I am long overdue to catch up on your life. the cleanse... no way... maybe when all my little men are as big as yours, for now, had ice cream after dinner. (The small boy needed this he told me so with a few kicks)
    Glad you are with all your men now and happy cleansing yourself. Love your guts...don't let the ocean stuff cleanse those out too.
    hugs to all